As Christmas, and the first primaries and caucuses, approach it’s appropriate to wonder where this year’s crop of Crazy Eight Republican Tea Party (GOTP) candidates will be next Christmas, well wonder no more, famed stop motion animators Rankin/Bass have announced a brand new special, “The GOTP Island of Misfit Candidate”, and they’ve released their ideal cast of characters:
Mittens “in the box” Romney; he’s never garnered more than 25% of Republicans polled, thus it would appear few Republicans want to play with him
Michelle “Dolly” Bachmann; the Dolly for Sue’s misfit problem was revealed on NPR’s Wait Wait… Don’t Tell Me! News quiz show (broadcast 8 Dec 07). The show revealed that Rudolph’s producer, Arthur Rankin Jr., says Dolly’s problem was psychological, caused from being abandoned by her mistress and suffering depression from feeling unloved. Wow, is that type casting or what?
Newton “the spotted elephant” Gingrich; if you’ve seen the original Rudolph you’ve seen how that white polka-dotted elephant looks, who else but Newton could play him? Besides Newton is the one GOTP nominee who’d love to change some of his spots.
Jon “train with square wheels” Huntsman; a square wheeled train would never get any traction, just like his campaign.
Rick “the cowboy riding an ostrich” Perry; Reverend Ricky is strange enough to actually try this if he thought he’d win the nomination.
Herman “toy boat that sinks” Cain; the boat couldn’t float, and the Pizza Man’s campaign is sinking faster than the Titanic
Rick “water pistol that shoots jelly” Santorum; you look at water pistol and it seems an OK toy, but then it squirts jelly; you look at Ricky and he appears presidential, but then he opens his mouth and you discover you’re wrong.
Ron “bird fish” Paul; he appears so often to be able to spread his wings and fly, but then he jumps off into the air and lands in the deep end of the pool.
Look for this new Christmas classic in December 2012.